7 ways to control Angry child!

            

            Parent’s voice of tone µ Child's Aggression

The above equation says it all, higher is the voice tone of an adult while dealing with the angry toddler or young child, greater will be his aggression. Calmness, patience and nonviolent environment are essential components to improve child’s behaviour. In simple terms,child's behaviour is (directly proportional) very much affected by parent's behaviour!

If the parent and child shout together then situation remains, the same without any enhancements. It will be like beating around the bush which has no outcome ever. Moreover, it affects child’s trustworthiness and emotional security (parent-child bonding) in the long term. 

It is important to understand that a child under the age of four or five years does not have any intention to harm anyone around him. He wants to explore the world through different body senses such as touching different textures (Examples-carpet, power plug points, keys of laptop, smartphone), observing contrasting colours and images to explore visuals (snatching phone or I-pad to see images or photos) and shouting as they enjoy their own voice but hitting, kicking or pinching parents or caregivers is not their agenda fundamentally. Even shouting or getting angry is not their first choice, it happens only when they have no other option to get their things done!

Biting usually happens due to tethering factor.

At this developmental stage attention seeking behaviour is prevalent which is misinterpreted as aggressive behaviour of toddlers or young ones. Study done by Auruhn Dhal in University of California also suggests, that the use of aggression by toddlers  or young ones is unprovoked. 

Children involve into explorative force to seek attention. Unprovoked acts presumably become less frequent from 18 months onwards as toddlers learn that their aggression harms' others or they become sensitive towards other’s distress. 
So it should be understood that children are not hitting, biting, pinching or kicking intentionally to upset parents, siblings or others but because of their own newness in the world. Children belonging to age group of 36 month or more, are likely to get aggressive.
If child is having frequent aggression issues and hits people around revengefully which   reflects in his temperament, then following strategies can be explored: -

A. Act quickly but Calmly: Child’s Anger + Violence = Address problem calmly + Quickly:

When the child is aggressive it is important that, parents should demonstrate patience, calmness and normal voice of tone. Screaming, yelling or shouting will not resolve the issue instead will aggravate the aggression within child. Moreover, there will be mirroring of parent’s actions. Plus, stomping foot, slamming doors will aggravate the behaviour and cause emotional meltdown and mistrust.  
If parent resolves the issue in soft, non-violent way, child will probably follow the same example. He should be spoken about the issue softly but immediately. Parents must not waste time or follow "Let it go" approach considering that this is his first time or he is too young to understand. For example:The child hits his younger sibling without any reason, for the first time, so it should be addressed immediately. He needs to apologise and take time-out of 3 to 5 minutes to calm down and think about his mistake, Later, parents can discuss with him making him realise what wrong he has done. He should be aware of his actions and their consequences.

Keynote: Setting rules for actions and related consequences is important

B. Appreciate your child (good for 3-year-old or more): Leads to better Behaviour + raised Self-esteem: 

Praising plays an important role. Explain to him how much “Grown up” he is acting whenever he behaves in a desirable manner (communicating without being aggressive) instead of shouting, kicking, pinching or biting. It will be good to give him one or two smileys or thumbs-up on the behavioural chart for good deed or kindness act such as opening doors for others if the child is 5 years or older than that.
Hugs and kisses are good to calm down an angry child. According to Sensory Integration, hugs provide deep pressure to body which is a great way of relaxing the child.Use of weighted blankets or vests can also be helpful for ADHD,Sensory Processing Disorders, Autism Spectrum Disorder.Most of the times anger are co-morbid with these conditions.

5 key support strategies to express thoughts and feelings among aggressive children!

Usually young ones and teens show anger or aggressive behaviour due to fear of disapproval or rejection. It is essential tackle them very carefully during aggression and emotional outbursts. Here are some tips to support kids in expressing their emotions through different mediums!!

Journals

 Journals: Writing journals or simply using diaries to express thoughts is a simple but very expressive way of communication to your child.Personalised diaries can be used for self-expressing thoughts and feeling.Writing poetry sometimes is very calming medium of self-expression and innovation. This helps in distracting the child from aggression and promotes creativity however can be applicable in teens and adults. Through this medium of communication he/she can express himself/herself without shame and guilt. Key Note: Written Expression supports child to release anger without involvement of any other person. This can be child’s individualism.

White Boards-Great source of expression

White Boards: One more medium of expression can be through white boards! This can be something new and altered source of communication for the young kids. Expressing thoughts, emotions and gestures on white or blackboard can also support in vertical writing practice (Good for core hand strengthening and precise writing). It also improves handwriting difficulties among young ones. Encourage kids to write whatever new they learn in school or other social situations. Using colourful marker pens for drawing or writing can make self-expression more interesting and revealing. Key Note: Great resource for expression for young ones and adults!

Building rapport with yout child!

Winning the Trust: Most essential aspect of thought expression is winning the trust. Usually children hide their feelings since they do not consider parents or caregivers trustworthy to share any perceptions and classroom experiences.

It is important for the parents to spend time with children and listen to his or her words wisely without interrupting or discouraging him or her. Additionally, parents should be capable enough to make child understand marked difference between right and wrong.

Let the child express him without any fear of rejection, guilt or shame. This is parent’s responsibility to understand own child’s behaviour in co-correlation with the given situation.

On contrary, sometimes children pretend to express their whole trust on parents expressing themselves as innocent in particular situation to win parent’s trust. However, parents should be able distinguish when child is guiltless and when manipulative. Key Note: Read between the lines!! Analyse when child is expressing right facts and when he is being manipulative in his thoughts.

Quiet Space Area

Give free space: Concept of free area or space is extremely effective. Provision of quiet space area in classrooms and homes support children to calm down and pacify themselves.

            Space and time to think about own mistake helps them act more wisely next time. During these times they can also be given inanimate objects like a stress ball or sand tray to alleviate the anger. Key Note: This resource acts as self-calming.

How do you feel when Angry?

Emotion Chart: Introduction to emotion’s chart is important. Sometimes children are baffled about self-emotions. Show them pictures of different emotions such as anger, being sad, happy etc. so that they better understand the connection between feelings and self-expression.Lack of understanding of feelings is common among teens also. Therefore, imparting education about different emotions is essential part teaching expressions. Key Note:Understanding of different emotions is imperative!

Aggression among kids and teens!

SEVEN EFFECTIVE REMEDIES FOR PARENTAL HANDLING IN AGGRESSIVE KIDS

Anger is the foundation of Aggression, Violence, and Hostility. Although a lot of researches are being conducted in psychological and psychiatric settings, however,Occupational Therapy studies have developed some basic framework that underpins assessments and treatment interventions for improving child's behaviour and reducing anger.Aggression,violence and hostility may be common in the school, college, community setting , however, it has other dimensions as well.

Anger can be anticipated, explored as well as investigated under antisocial behaviours or occupations. Aggression has been found to be disruptive in nature having broader concepts, with an effort to control and harm another person at work or home.

However, when it comes to children and teenagers they should not be victimised of physical force or mental agony with the intention to damage.

Occupational Therapy works to improve and maintain physiological arousal, Cognitive domain as well as Social Participation of the teenager by involving them into meaningful and purposeful Occupations.

These Rising Horizons of tomorrow do not need authoritative, permissive or uninvolved parenting styles but a feeling of gentle touch, affection love, and care. They need warmth, togetherness happiness and satisfaction in their lives expected from their parent’s side.

It’s essential to make ourselves understand our kids. We cannot expect them to be the best in a universe without changing ourselves attitudes and behaviours according to their needs and desires. Parents have to be adaptable depending on their children’s thoughts and beliefs. Parents having dysfunctional relations (drug or alcohol abuse, marital discord) and social interaction within the family cannot expect reciprocal love and affection from opposite side.

SEVEN EFFECTIVE REMEDIES FOR PARENTAL HANDLING IN AGGRESSIVE KIDS!!

GETTING INVOLVED WITH THE CHILD: The uninvolved parenting style will lead the child to be insensitive, unsupportive and destructive in nature. Such parents are indifferent to what’s happening in their child’s life and are not concerned for his well-being. Involvement with the child is an essential action. Understanding their needs, desires, strengths, limitations and interests are important. Solving their school problems, listening to them effectively (being empathetic listener) understanding their causes and situations of stress, tension, and disruptive behaviour is explanations to handle a child’s misbehaviour.

Key Note-Parents should understand their behaviour as well as set rules and discipline standards to be followed at home and outside.

 WHEN AGGRESSION IS A PERSONALITY TRAIT: Sometimes child’s intelligence quotient (IQ) may be low. He might not able to understand or concentrate on academics completely. Hence, it becomes difficult for the child to cope up with the academics as well as social situations leading to high frustration and more aggression. In such cases parents should take up the role of teacher, imparting knowledge, skills, and values to their children. They should encourage and help them out in money management, simple calculations, spelling correction as well as in simple academics. Moreover, involving kids in constructive works such as gardening, kitchen tasks, board games, wood working, and soccer will divert their energy powerhouses into a positive direction.

Key Note – Involvement of the child into a task that he can successfully complete causing positive motivation, satisfaction and confidence building.

CHECK WHAT THEY WATCH: Many studies have predicted that Television violence and violent video games act as the strong catalyst to promote aggression in children of teenage. Researchers suggest that children may learn aggression from viewing others and watching violent acts increases excitation or arouses the viewer towards aggression in response. Viewing or playing violent games may lead to increased likelihood of aggressive behaviour, thoughts, and emotions. This may be the cause of verbal or physical bullying in future. 

Key Note-Thus, parents should always keep a check on subjects their children are watching through media. It is important to feed the developing mind with healthy nutrition by engaging them in the more meaningful task.

DON’T REJECT YOUR CHILD: Child might feel personally rejected or maladaptive due to marital discord, parent’s involvement in drug or substance abuse or antisocial attitudes of one or both the parents, while adjusting with a new parent or sibling within the family or parent’s involvement into physical aggression. Activities providing the feeling of fun, togetherness, enjoyment and companionship should be encouraged. Social interaction with relatives, friends and peer are important.

Key Note-In such cases parents should have significant abilities such as effective communication skills, being respectful to child’s confidential talks, openness towards child’s new ideas and strong listener.

FAMILY ENVIRONMENT: Plays a strong part in developing child’s mental processing. When parents show impulsive and violent behaviour, within the family and outside, the children also try to follow the same pattern. Violence and aggression in the family cause poor intelligence with greater anxiety. Harsh and inconsistent discipline practices lead to ineffective parenting. It is essential to identify areas of conflict leading to potential risk.

Key Note-Exploration and Modification of parent’s behaviour will work wonders. Parents should discipline themselves as they are projected role models of their kids.

REJECTION BY PEER LEADS TO AGGRESSION: As children grow mentally and physically towards their teenage, they measure themselves with peer acceptance. If they find themselves competent enough in comparison to others, then their sense of self-confidence raises. Contrary to this lack of popularity or rejection leads to low self-esteem, self-confidence as well as decreased self-concept. Finding, themselves weak leads to anxiety, frustration, and being rejected. As this is persistent and consistent they tend to be aggressive, short-tempered resulting in being violent in future.  Parents should involve teachers, school, Peer group Support for establishing harmonious relations. It’s important to ensure that they will not be neglected from their peer group as well as techniques such as Assertive Training, Effective Coping, and Communication Skills should be incorporated.

 Key Note-Teachers and parents should form Therapeutic Relations with potential aggressive kids, respect their thoughts and should be empathetic towards them. Encourage them for Problem Solving and Conflict Resolution of issues. 

PHYSIOLOGICAL AROUSAL: Effects on a body are quite prominent and visible. The increase in Blood pressure, muscle tension and tightening, voice becoming louder, faster respiration (breathing pattern), increased stomach acids, face turning red, and lack of concentration are some signs. Kids might feel agitated, angry or furious at this point of time. Key Note-Firstly, parents should be aware of common triggers or situations that lead to their child’s physiological arousal affecting his cognitive domain and social aspects of life. These situations should be avoided if possible. Secondly, they might not be able to concentrate on academics, talk negatively, and feel out of control with their temper. Using Relaxation Techniques, Calming Breadths, as well as teaching Self-Monitoring Techniques will help. Consequences of anger outbursts should be identified and resolved. Diverting their energies in physical force such as boxing bag, Drawing, Dancing, writing down Expressions Walking, Running, and Riding Bicycle. 

Key Note-Involving them in voluntary work to help either differently- abled, elderly or children will help to recognise the worth of being independent and will lead to healthy living.

Anger and its initiation among children

                                                                   

Anger is a normal emotion like other emotions however excessive increase in its intensity and incidence can lead to discomfort to the person as well as surrounding environment. If duration of anger increases it can lead to adverse effects in vast majority of people relating to their health, physically and mentally.

It is assumed that anger occurs as a consequence of frustration, rejection, or unfairness. It either evolves from social or environmental influences which act as common triggers. Anger has other side of coin as well, where it can be used as strong emotion to achieve desired goal.

The expression of anger and effort to retaliate is more common among the boys than girls because, they predispose emotionally more frequently as compared to girls. They are less able to control their emotions as match up to girls, without help of caregivers. Moreover, expressions of anger and willingness to strike back initiates during infancy which can lead to violence form during adulthood. 

As these children step forward in their toddler hood, they counter problems leading to conflict, peer fighting and being more impulsive then other children. Temper tantrums may lead to difficulty for parents in dealing with such children. Most of the times the reason for anger could be demand of some desired object or toy.

Moreover, rising towards preschool years, the demanding factor may decline with negotiation over objects and repeated instructions from teacher's and parent's side among girls.  However, boys are more physically aggressive than girls. Girls even have characteristics of physical bullying which they hide and retaliate in another form. They specialize in harming other person's social relationship and reputation. 

As these children grow towards early school years they might show unkindness, rude behaviours and aggression towards their peer group, parents, teachers as well as cruelty towards animals.

Anger in adolescence could be a serious problem which should be dealt very carefully by parents. Primarily, parents should become very good listeners as well as communicators before they handle their child’s sensitive issues of aggression. Anger among children should be managed carefully as its serious forms could result in hostility and violence. It’s essential to understand situations which could lead to trigger annoyance within the child. Moreover, if such situation arises then he or she should be cooled off at that moment by using relaxation technique.

Secondly, exposure to violence on television can cause increases in aggression. The emergence of violent video games has raised new questions regarding the effects of violent media. Exposure to violent media increases aggressive behaviour through one of three primary domains (arousal, cognition, and affect). Thus, parenting style should include awareness of subject’s children are watching through media.

Anger is among the most powerful risk factors for school violence especially the sudden rage. Students who do not learn to manage their anger are at-risk for aggression and even the violent explosive behaviour. The expression of anger can take many forms. Some include venting, resisting, seeking revenge, expressing dislike, avoiding the source of anger & seeking help.