7 ways to control Angry child!

            

            Parent’s voice of tone µ Child's Aggression

The above equation says it all, higher is the voice tone of an adult while dealing with the angry toddler or young child, greater will be his aggression. Calmness, patience and nonviolent environment are essential components to improve child’s behaviour. In simple terms,child's behaviour is (directly proportional) very much affected by parent's behaviour!

If the parent and child shout together then situation remains, the same without any enhancements. It will be like beating around the bush which has no outcome ever. Moreover, it affects child’s trustworthiness and emotional security (parent-child bonding) in the long term. 

It is important to understand that a child under the age of four or five years does not have any intention to harm anyone around him. He wants to explore the world through different body senses such as touching different textures (Examples-carpet, power plug points, keys of laptop, smartphone), observing contrasting colours and images to explore visuals (snatching phone or I-pad to see images or photos) and shouting as they enjoy their own voice but hitting, kicking or pinching parents or caregivers is not their agenda fundamentally. Even shouting or getting angry is not their first choice, it happens only when they have no other option to get their things done!

Biting usually happens due to tethering factor.

At this developmental stage attention seeking behaviour is prevalent which is misinterpreted as aggressive behaviour of toddlers or young ones. Study done by Auruhn Dhal in University of California also suggests, that the use of aggression by toddlers  or young ones is unprovoked. 

Children involve into explorative force to seek attention. Unprovoked acts presumably become less frequent from 18 months onwards as toddlers learn that their aggression harms' others or they become sensitive towards other’s distress. 
So it should be understood that children are not hitting, biting, pinching or kicking intentionally to upset parents, siblings or others but because of their own newness in the world. Children belonging to age group of 36 month or more, are likely to get aggressive.
If child is having frequent aggression issues and hits people around revengefully which   reflects in his temperament, then following strategies can be explored: -

A. Act quickly but Calmly: Child’s Anger + Violence = Address problem calmly + Quickly:

When the child is aggressive it is important that, parents should demonstrate patience, calmness and normal voice of tone. Screaming, yelling or shouting will not resolve the issue instead will aggravate the aggression within child. Moreover, there will be mirroring of parent’s actions. Plus, stomping foot, slamming doors will aggravate the behaviour and cause emotional meltdown and mistrust.  
If parent resolves the issue in soft, non-violent way, child will probably follow the same example. He should be spoken about the issue softly but immediately. Parents must not waste time or follow "Let it go" approach considering that this is his first time or he is too young to understand. For example:The child hits his younger sibling without any reason, for the first time, so it should be addressed immediately. He needs to apologise and take time-out of 3 to 5 minutes to calm down and think about his mistake, Later, parents can discuss with him making him realise what wrong he has done. He should be aware of his actions and their consequences.

Keynote: Setting rules for actions and related consequences is important

B. Appreciate your child (good for 3-year-old or more): Leads to better Behaviour + raised Self-esteem: 

Praising plays an important role. Explain to him how much “Grown up” he is acting whenever he behaves in a desirable manner (communicating without being aggressive) instead of shouting, kicking, pinching or biting. It will be good to give him one or two smileys or thumbs-up on the behavioural chart for good deed or kindness act such as opening doors for others if the child is 5 years or older than that.
Hugs and kisses are good to calm down an angry child. According to Sensory Integration, hugs provide deep pressure to body which is a great way of relaxing the child.Use of weighted blankets or vests can also be helpful for ADHD,Sensory Processing Disorders, Autism Spectrum Disorder.Most of the times anger are co-morbid with these conditions.

Six Hacks to Reduce Stress among Kids

                                                         

Stress is a reaction to a stimulus that disturbs our physical or mental equilibrium. A stressful event can trigger the “fight-or-flight” response, causing hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol to surge through the body. 

Stress is the sometimes strong hidden cause of Anger among children. This can be from positive as well as negative event however majorly it is destructive in nature due to its unconstructive occasion. Reasons of stress related anger may be, parent's angry and negative behaviours, separation, rejection from peers or parents, lack of trust, perfectionist tendencies, school stress, loss of grandparent etc.

As parents, we should be considerate enough towards ourselves as well as kids. Expecting too much from both the sides is like living in a fantasy World of Alice in Wonderland or Disney World where everything is charming, sumptuous, resplendent and magical. Expecting too much from our kids in areas such as academics, behaviour, socialisation can be unrealistic and unjustified and we might look like an immature parent who is still not ready for truthful parenting. Every child, parent and parent-child relationship is different.

According to Carrie Wendel-Hummell, a researcher at the University of Kansas, there are various factors contributing to stress among parents as well as children. It is not just because of too much of work and responsibilities added towards new parents after the birth of a baby too but also social and peer pressure to project themselves as perfect families within the society. 

Everyone is eager to see each other’s photographs and status updates on Social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram) and make judgements of their good being. Seeing X friend’s vacation album mount’s unseen pressure and stress on parents to provide better support and luxuries to their children.

Tim Elmore, in his book entitled “Twelve Huge Mistake Parents Can Avoid” mentions that parents should have high BUT healthy expectations for themselves and children. He states that parents should not be guilty of failing on different as care takes rather they should prepare kids for the real world and its true colours.

Having marital discord or separation from spouse affects the child adversely leading to extremely complicated relationship with the left-behind parent. In some cases, unfortunately, child not only loses the separated parent but also faces unintentional negative and un-genuine side of left behind parent.
Another massive cause of stress can be bullying in school that can cause personality

development failure in both typical and atypical children. A popular child can also be bullied in school, regardless of any reason. Bullying which can be verbal or physical germinates stress, anger along with fear to be accepted among peers.

So there can be infinite reasons of stress among teens and children which can be reduced using appropriate strategies after analysis of exact reason of stress within child. According to Lancet 2007 Global Mental Health Report, the commencement of mental health issues is most likely between the age groups of fifteen and twenty-four, making it a primary time for problems to emerge if parents are not careful. Numbing behaviours like over- or under-eating, cutting, drinking, drugging and, ramping up perfectionistic behaviors are modern traps for our children and teens.

As a paediatric OT, I have seen a number of parents being concerned about their child’s behaviour within the community. A common concern for parents is how to support their children in dealing with stress-related anger, and how to prevent them from resorting to aggression. Many parents are concerned about a number of violence children are exposed to at school, on the television, while watching video games, and in their friend circles.

Here are Six practical strategies which can be used by parents to reduce Stress levels among children and improve parent-child relationship.

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Improve Socialisation: Let your child have a good number of friends. Making and keeping friends reduces stress. This also helps to get rid of anxiety or depression. This supports a child in becoming  well-connected to peers as well as makes them a good communicator. 
Facilitation of positive behaviour among peers helps in establishing cognitive and emotional skills that are required to engage competently. This reflects child to be socially accepted by his crowd and he is able to understand the relevance of gestures, facial expressions and other social cues.

However, this does not mean that parents should not be aware of (Four Ws) where, when, with whom and why their child is going. One should be inquisitive about child's

behaviour in home and outside. 
Discuss with the child that there can be a possible solution to his or her problem or situation. Implementing Problem Solving Approach is advantageous. 
Reassurance is important from parent’s side so that child can trust them and share any issue, for example, being bullied in school or stressed due to a school trip.  He should be sure that my mummy and daddy have a solution to every problem. This confidence among parents will make their bond strong.

Hugs and Kisses for Reassurance: Often children find nothing better than hugs and kisses for calming down and getting support from parents. Hugs give deep pressure (proprioceptive input) to our bones, joints and muscles which help in calming down and

reducing stress level. This helps raised levels of Cortisol hormone to decrease. This hormone is often measured as means of quantifying physiological response to a stressor. Therefore, any reason (bullying, loss of the pet) which can raise Cortisol levels (stress) can be decreased by hugging or kissing the child. 

Stories Make a difference:Telling stories about children with similar problems and feelings make your child realise that he is not the only one to struggle from stress.Discussing problems on Stress Forums or Groups can be a Self-help or joining Stress Help Communities can reduce anxiety and stress. 
Parents may share their childhood situations to overcome stress and anger. I find this

as one, of best ways to change child's negative behaviours. Parents should mention their struggle and hard work to stressed children. 
Sharing own stories will motivate kids to stay calm and think better. 
Watching movies together or telly shows related to the hyper-competitive world of today will support the child to discuss professional issues with parents. Stress due to academics, competition, bullying or grief will disrupt the learning and healthy development of individual physically, mentally and emotionally.

Praise the Child: Appreciation and encouragement help children realise that they are worthwhile doing a particular given task. This also helps to develop self-confidence. 

Notice, praise and encourage good behaviour rather than focussing on bad behaviour. 
One of my student diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome always faced high levels of stress just before couple of weeks before exams. 
On talking to him, I discovered it was high parental expectations to achieve good grades in exams. Rather than being focussed, this young boy had big struggle to concentrate on studies. During one to one session, we sat down with a white sheet and a colour pen of his choice. 
We started listing his achievements and failure in past 6 months. Lastly, it was concluded that his sports, extra-curricular, and Information Technology achievements are greater than his failures This discovered fact about himself, made him feel better and positive. 
Therefore, it’s important to improve child’s self-esteem and confidence level time and again to make him feel affirmative and relevant towards himself.

Charity Work or Fund raising for a cause: Children should be encouraged, to help others (E.g. making the cross road to elderly or differently able) or perform Community Work through charity.
Parents may develop habit of performing, at least one good deed or favour per month

which involves children in charity. This makes a child more resilient. Charity can be to spread awareness about a particular topic or to help for a cause. This can be a marathon for Macmillan Cancer Patients or even picking litter for community welfare. Many charities focus on the environment, for example, work to help people to learn about threats to the climate and too fragile ecosystems. Sparing out time for charity not only improves self-esteem and kindness skills but also gives opportunities to meet and communicate with new people from different spheres. 
Charity begins at home, they can even support the mother in cooking or washing dishes after dinner. This will not only improve parental relationship but also enhance child’s skills on particular task.

5 key support strategies to express thoughts and feelings among aggressive children!

Usually young ones and teens show anger or aggressive behaviour due to fear of disapproval or rejection. It is essential tackle them very carefully during aggression and emotional outbursts. Here are some tips to support kids in expressing their emotions through different mediums!!

Journals

 Journals: Writing journals or simply using diaries to express thoughts is a simple but very expressive way of communication to your child.Personalised diaries can be used for self-expressing thoughts and feeling.Writing poetry sometimes is very calming medium of self-expression and innovation. This helps in distracting the child from aggression and promotes creativity however can be applicable in teens and adults. Through this medium of communication he/she can express himself/herself without shame and guilt. Key Note: Written Expression supports child to release anger without involvement of any other person. This can be child’s individualism.

White Boards-Great source of expression

White Boards: One more medium of expression can be through white boards! This can be something new and altered source of communication for the young kids. Expressing thoughts, emotions and gestures on white or blackboard can also support in vertical writing practice (Good for core hand strengthening and precise writing). It also improves handwriting difficulties among young ones. Encourage kids to write whatever new they learn in school or other social situations. Using colourful marker pens for drawing or writing can make self-expression more interesting and revealing. Key Note: Great resource for expression for young ones and adults!

Building rapport with yout child!

Winning the Trust: Most essential aspect of thought expression is winning the trust. Usually children hide their feelings since they do not consider parents or caregivers trustworthy to share any perceptions and classroom experiences.

It is important for the parents to spend time with children and listen to his or her words wisely without interrupting or discouraging him or her. Additionally, parents should be capable enough to make child understand marked difference between right and wrong.

Let the child express him without any fear of rejection, guilt or shame. This is parent’s responsibility to understand own child’s behaviour in co-correlation with the given situation.

On contrary, sometimes children pretend to express their whole trust on parents expressing themselves as innocent in particular situation to win parent’s trust. However, parents should be able distinguish when child is guiltless and when manipulative. Key Note: Read between the lines!! Analyse when child is expressing right facts and when he is being manipulative in his thoughts.

Quiet Space Area

Give free space: Concept of free area or space is extremely effective. Provision of quiet space area in classrooms and homes support children to calm down and pacify themselves.

            Space and time to think about own mistake helps them act more wisely next time. During these times they can also be given inanimate objects like a stress ball or sand tray to alleviate the anger. Key Note: This resource acts as self-calming.

How do you feel when Angry?

Emotion Chart: Introduction to emotion’s chart is important. Sometimes children are baffled about self-emotions. Show them pictures of different emotions such as anger, being sad, happy etc. so that they better understand the connection between feelings and self-expression.Lack of understanding of feelings is common among teens also. Therefore, imparting education about different emotions is essential part teaching expressions. Key Note:Understanding of different emotions is imperative!

Aggression among kids and teens!

Anger and its initiation among children

                                                                   

Anger is a normal emotion like other emotions however excessive increase in its intensity and incidence can lead to discomfort to the person as well as surrounding environment. If duration of anger increases it can lead to adverse effects in vast majority of people relating to their health, physically and mentally.

It is assumed that anger occurs as a consequence of frustration, rejection, or unfairness. It either evolves from social or environmental influences which act as common triggers. Anger has other side of coin as well, where it can be used as strong emotion to achieve desired goal.

The expression of anger and effort to retaliate is more common among the boys than girls because, they predispose emotionally more frequently as compared to girls. They are less able to control their emotions as match up to girls, without help of caregivers. Moreover, expressions of anger and willingness to strike back initiates during infancy which can lead to violence form during adulthood. 

As these children step forward in their toddler hood, they counter problems leading to conflict, peer fighting and being more impulsive then other children. Temper tantrums may lead to difficulty for parents in dealing with such children. Most of the times the reason for anger could be demand of some desired object or toy.

Moreover, rising towards preschool years, the demanding factor may decline with negotiation over objects and repeated instructions from teacher's and parent's side among girls.  However, boys are more physically aggressive than girls. Girls even have characteristics of physical bullying which they hide and retaliate in another form. They specialize in harming other person's social relationship and reputation. 

As these children grow towards early school years they might show unkindness, rude behaviours and aggression towards their peer group, parents, teachers as well as cruelty towards animals.

Anger in adolescence could be a serious problem which should be dealt very carefully by parents. Primarily, parents should become very good listeners as well as communicators before they handle their child’s sensitive issues of aggression. Anger among children should be managed carefully as its serious forms could result in hostility and violence. It’s essential to understand situations which could lead to trigger annoyance within the child. Moreover, if such situation arises then he or she should be cooled off at that moment by using relaxation technique.

Secondly, exposure to violence on television can cause increases in aggression. The emergence of violent video games has raised new questions regarding the effects of violent media. Exposure to violent media increases aggressive behaviour through one of three primary domains (arousal, cognition, and affect). Thus, parenting style should include awareness of subject’s children are watching through media.

Anger is among the most powerful risk factors for school violence especially the sudden rage. Students who do not learn to manage their anger are at-risk for aggression and even the violent explosive behaviour. The expression of anger can take many forms. Some include venting, resisting, seeking revenge, expressing dislike, avoiding the source of anger & seeking help.